Terms of Enchantment

Apps Suck

Labonno was rolling on the floor. Parul was not expecting her to react this way. She was expecting Labonno to be more sympathetic towards her predicament about dating apps. Labonno took couple weeks before visiting Parul again.

In the meantime, Parul has matched with quite a few men. But almost all of them has either ghosted her, or turned out to be some kind of creep.

“You are such a cute little girl”, Labonno was kicking her feet up. “You know, I’m almost 24 now. I’m not so little, it has been like 8 years since we met.”

“There, there” Labonno was on her feet again patting Parul’s head. “You are just hopeless when it comes to talking to men. Also… a bit… desperate” Labonno said the last part very carefully.

“But I am desperate.” Parul said meekly, “At least, that’s honest.”

“Sure,” Labonno said, “But not everyone needs to know that, you just need to find a man also desperate enough to marry you.”

Parul bit her lips. She was not sure whether the last part was an insult or just a fact. Labonno can be very blunt sometimes. Parul decided to get clarity on something that has been bothering her for

– “Labonno” – “Yes” – “Do you have a partner?” – “I don’t run a business.” – “I mean like are you single or taken” – “Why do you need to know?” – “Just trying to figure out whether you can actually help or not.” – “You asked for my help, It was not my idea.” – “I know, I was just, I don’t know, you don’t seem like the type who likes men.” – “Well, I don’t” – “So, like how can you help me get a match with a man?”

Labonno laughed again, it was a hearty laughter.

“Why does it matter? All relationships are essentially the same thing”.

Parul was flabbergasted. This was not what she was expecting. “How do you mean, they are the same?” She asked back.

“Well, if you look at it, all relationships require someone to take care of the house and someone to earn a living. The genders of the partners might change, but the roles stay the same” Labonno replied.

– “That’s kinda regressive, what if both of them work? and divide on the chores?” – “Yeah, that happens, albeit rare. But that’s more like roommates with benefits than a marriage. People generally marry for three reasons: one, to get a free labourer for home while they advance their career two, Someone to breed their lineage with three, To climb to a higher social status by virtue of marrying into it or through their kid. For you the men won’t get the second two options. You are much more likely to get a husband sooner if you are to be a homemaker trophy women. Men tend to like younger women, and you are conventionally pretty.”

Parul only heard the part ‘conventionally pretty’ and has already blocked out whatever Labonno said beforehand.

“Hihi thankssss” Parul was giddy. She handed her phone over to Labonno, “You are the expert, do whatever you want. Get me a match”

“You only heard the pretty part, didn’t you?” Labonno was laughing. “You trans women are so traditional and detached from any kinda feminist ideology.”

– “Labonno…”, Parul was more put together now. – “Yes, Parul” – “You make a lot of sweeping generalisations” – “Yes, those are fun to make in jest, but all situations and people must be treated as a case by case basis. It is just easier to generalise when you personally don’t know them. Like for people on the internet” – “I don’t get it, but it’s okay, I am a dumb woman anyway” – “Parul”, Labonno’s face was stern. “You are now forbidden from making self-deprecating jokes. You are not dumb and never had been.” – “Whatever you say” Parul was covering her smile with her hands. She was not sure about the feelings in her belly. It was like a queasy feeling but something that didn’t feel ill. Parul chalked it up to her bad eating habits.

Labonno sat with Parul for the next three hours sorting through various matches in a few dating apps. The men there were pretty quick to reply. However, many of them unmatched quickly as soon as they realised Parul is a trans woman. Quite a few just flat out asked if she is a prostitute and if she is, what would be her charges for a night. Labonno grimaced and was trying to hex them, but she didn’t know enough personal information about the men to do that.

Some of the men agreed that they are fascinated by trans women and kept praising how brave Parul is. But Labonno again unmatched straight away with those men and that created a fight between her and Parul. Labonno was insistent those men are just fetishising the experience of Parul, but Parul refused to agree. Labonno eventually heaved a sigh of disbelief and said, “You know what, it would serve you best if you experienced some of these things yourself, who am I to deny you trauma you are set to inflict upon yourself?”

Soon enough, Parul was inundated with questions like whether she has ‘the surgery’ or not, how big her penis is, and whether a man sucking on Parul’s dick would make him gay even though Parul is a trans woman.

Quite a large number of straight men were expecting Parul to fuck them and that was making Parul question her own femininity. Labonno refused to engage. She said, “I’m not your mother, you need to navigate this yourself.” She seemed a bit aloof to Parul, who was getting anxious at the detachment of Labonno.

Labonno did point out that subby straight men are normal and getting pegged doesn’t demean either their masculinity or Parul’s femininity. Parul just comes with pegging machinery pre-attached. But Parul was quite distracted and dysphoric and was on the verge of crying.

“I don’t go on dating apps for this, I never have a good experience” Parul was almost sobbing.

Labonno hugged Parul from behind. She didn’t say anything this time. It was a tight hug with a lot of warmth. Labonno’s head was near Parul’s shoulder and she could feel Labonno’s warm breath in her neck. Parul held Labonno’s hand and broke down in silent cries.

Labonno didn’t offer any words of comfort, but she also didn’t say “I told you so”. She was just there, holding Parul, while she was having a breakdown after a very long time. Parul hated feeling vulnerable around other people. Especially Labonno. She wanted Labonno to make some sarcastic comments, but Labonno didn’t. Parul lost track of time for how long she was crying. Eventually when she got herself together, and withdrew herself from Labonno’s arms, Labonno softly said, “Go wash you face, I’m gonna prepare some food for you”

Parul wanted to argue and say she doesn’t need her, but no words came out. She did manage to say eventually that she isn’t really feeling any appetite at all. But Labonno rebuffed her. She took out a pouch from somewhere on her person that Parul has never seen before. “I’m making a special tea for you. Trust me, you’ll feel better and will get back the appetite. Now go to the bathroom.”

Parul took a bit of time in the bathroom, and when she came back, Labonno was still preparing the tea. She took out a highball glass Parul forgot she had. It now had water, and a herb with thin pointy blade like leaves, and purple leaves in the stem. It looked scary.

“That doesn’t look like a tea” Parul was trying to converse casually as if she didn’t have a breakdown over dating apps a few minutes back.

“Not yet”, Labonno said calmly. “This is Chiretta, it takes overnight to prepare. If you boil, it will have different properties.”

“Am I supposed to drink it tomorrow?” Parul was thinking of flushing it down the toilet the next morning.

“You forget you are with a witch, this is a simple magic” Labonno said calmly.

“All magic is about equivalent exchange, If I need to harness the power of natural energy, I need to offer something in return, as an accelerant.” Labonno said as matter of fact, that Parul couldn’t really understand.

“I don’t think I have ever seen you use magic other than teleporting” Parul was curious.

Labonno did a curt nod. “Well there is always a first time for everything. But shush now, I need to concentrate. Magic is also about intentionality”

Parul sat down on a chair with wide eyes like a child. The excitement of seeing magic made her forget about the breakdown she had.

Labonno was uttering somethings in a tone of whisper that Parul could not make out. Labonno whispered it for some time, and eventually she took out her right hand and bit on the tip of her ring finger. Blood drops that looked like glistening rubies gathered on the pointy nail that Labonno had on her ring finger. Then she put just the tip of the nail into the water. The blood instantly got mixed with the water but instead of it being brown or red in colour, it glowed with a shimmer. Labonno kept rotating her finger inside the glass in a circular motion and soon enough a whirlpool was forming inside the glass. Yet the herb looked like it was in still water but aging quickly. The glow eventually stopped. The water has become quite murky and dark greenish, and the herbs were not really visible anymore. Some of it was floating and looked a bit slimy.

“Drink this” Labonno offered the glass to Parul. Parul took a sip and instantly was aghast. “It’s so bitter” Parul muttered.

“It is. It is called the king of bitters, but it is very useful. I collect it from a friend. It has become quite rare now. Don’t waste it, it costs an arm and leg, you can pinch your nose while you drink it.” Labonno seems excited about the herb.

Parul didn’t want to drink it a bit, but she also didn’t wanna disappoint Labonno. She pinched her nose and chugged the bitter murky water in one go. Labonno took out the slimy looking herbs. “I have also fixed some khichdi for you, I remember it being your comfort food”

“Labonno…” Parul began to speak. Labonno was looking at her with a gaze of care Parul hasn’t seen for a long time. “These apps fucking suck, but I think, with you on my side, it might just suck a little less.”