is being free just an illusion?
I fell into a rabbit hole of my own memories. It's weird.
I have tried so much to hold on to every single moment
It's so obvious from the videos.
And yet I've tried to enjoy it at the same time. I was wise enough to know I'd miss it. But i didn't want to. I mean if i lived it to the fullest i wouldn't miss it, right?
I still do, though. I wish I could go back to my college days, running on the road at 11pm to get a bar of chocolate, dancing my heart out at an auditorium and smiling in a way that's so careless of me.
Now I'm tired by 7pm, have to get drunk to dance like I did and smile like everyone's watching when no one is.
Is this what growing up is? Is adulting so lonely that I miss myself more and more everyday?
Is being free just an illusion?