Being lonely is no more an art
Lately I've been chasing the high of people's voices. Be it video calls or audio calls or podcasts. So much so stay, I can barely sit with silence anymore. I can't even sleep with it.
Perhaps I'm too scared to sit with my own thoughts? Too much of a coward to lay out all my decisions in the dark and wonder where it all went wrong? Perhaps. Perhaps not.
But i know this.
There once was a time when I desperately wanted peace and quiet from everything – my parents house, my hostel, the city traffic, the thoughts in my head.
Gone are the days when i reached my hand out, another reached out. Tiffin boxes always full of food and hostel rooms so loud and messy with our laughter and unwashed laundry.
Gone are the eyeliner training classes from you and late night snacking that always ended up in one of us getting sick.
Gone are the days when i’d come home to your hi, how was your day? Was that client too annoying today as well?
Gone are the days where I had people around me who didn't mind my loudness and weird laughter. Heck, they were weirder.
Gone are the days that I'd go out for a walk to seek some silence.
Now I live alone and mask the loneliness with all my Pinterest posters and post-its on my wall to physically move myself from the bed.
Really, all I do is go to my empty apartment and the only thing that welcomes me is the light I never switch off in my kitchen.